


I'm Having A Hard Time Coming Up With A Proper Title For This

by Ziall_Niam_Babies



Series: One Direction One Shots [3]
Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Autistic Zayn, M/M, Rape, Sibling Incest, Suicide, please don't read it if it makes you uncomfortable, this is really fucked up, triggering, zarry - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-25
Updated: 2016-08-25
Packaged: 2018-08-10 22:55:11
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,535
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7864693
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ziall_Niam_Babies/pseuds/Ziall_Niam_Babies
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Basically, Zayn is autistic. Harry is his younger brother. Zayn learns new things and Harry doesn't like it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I'm Having A Hard Time Coming Up With A Proper Title For This

**Author's Note:**

> This is kind of really messed up and it contains so many triggering things so please, please, PLEASE do not proceed if it makes you uncomfortable. I'll post my original side-note at the end (from 2014). It's been briefly edited but there are still a few mistakes that I missed and I'll fix them some other time hopefully. Enjoy.
> 
> Also, if this story offends you, please read the comments where I have posted a thing in my defense. Hopefully you might understand. x

 

Harry knew from the start that it probably wasn't a good idea to play into his older brother's curiosity.

*

Zayn had found him one night with his pants around his ankles and his hand wrapped around his cock, pumping furiously. Harry had then told him about masturbation and how good it made you feel - Zayn hadn't stopped masturbating himself each night for a proper month before Harry had got him to be more subtle about it, so Harry wouldn't get in trouble for exposing that to Zayn's innocence.

*

Zayn had found him one night with his lip pulled between his teeth and his laptop sitting on his legs, playing some pornography video. Harry had then told him about gay sex and how it made you feel good - Zayn hadn't stopped watching gay porn in his free time for a proper week before Harry had got him to use headphones and Harry's laptop, so the sounds wouldn't drag throughout the house and Harry could delete the history after Zayn was done. Harry didn't want to be in trouble.

*

Zayn had found him one night with Liam, Harry's boyfriend, going down on his cock, sucking it, making Harry's head fall back. He continued to watch, his mind curious, his body seeming to like the sight. It was just like in the porn videos he had watched. Harry had then told him after a few nights how it was so special and it made him feel so, so good.

*

Harry failed to explain the "rules" of sex. He didn't see the point because it was only Zayn, right? There was no harm with Zayn knowing about these things since there would be no one to act them out on, right?

*

Harry was in a deep sleep, his mind completely unconscious, unaware of everything going on around him.

"Liam?" He mumbled, feeling something soft and wet moving against his lips. His eyebrows met in the center of his forehead and he scowled, his eyes still closed, his mind dazed and hazy.

"Liam, what are you doing?" He asked, his voice raw and husky from sleep. He heard a giggle and started to open his eyes, unable to adjust to anything in particular due to the bright light of the lamp on his bedside table. He could've sworn he had shut it off before he fell asleep, but then again, he could've sworn he hadn't made any plans for Liam to sneak over tonight.

"It's not Liam! It's Zayn, you silly!" He heard and his eyes shot open in alarm, his hand reaching up to wipe off his lips furiously.

"Zayn? What are you doing? Why are you kissing me?" He asked, his tone slightly angered. Something in his stomach was burning and in the back of his mind, he already knew that it was his fault. He knew Zayn couldn't help thinking the way his mind does.

"I came to have sex with you, Harry. Like Liam does. I wanna fuck you." He said innocently, a grin stretched across his face. Harry's eyes had almost bulged out of his head and his mouth fell open in... shock.

"Um... Zayn, no. I don't... I don't think you understand. Sex is supposed to be with someone you... Someone you love. Not your-"

"But I do love you, Harry." He interrupted, pouncing forward, landing on top of his brother's body, forcing Harry's body down on the mattress. He smashed their lips together and squeezed his eyes closed like he saw people do in the porn videos and grabbed onto Harry's biceps, holding him in place.

Harry gulped, his heart racing in fear, not closing his eyes and not kissing back. Zayn wondered if Harry was doing it right. He thought both people had to participate in the kiss. He went with his instinct after thinking about the videos and tried to pry his tongue between Harry's lips.

He frowned when Harry still didn't respond and thought of the only way possible to get his brother's mouth open. He bit down onto Harry's bottom lip, hard, making his whole body flinch and his mouth open as he gasped in pain.

Once Zayn had his tongue in Harry's mouth, he moaned contently and tightened his grip on Harry's biceps, causing Harry to release a whimper.

His head was starting to hurt, his lip was bleeding, his arms were starting to lose circulation due to Zayn's tight grip, and Zayn had moved around and accidentally kneed him in the crotch, which really hurt.

Zayn pulled back and sighed happily, his and Harry's breathing both harsh and ragged. He saw the blood on Harry's lip and chin and reached up to wipe his mouth off.

"Oh, Harry, your lip is bleeding." He said apologetically, unaware that he had been the one to cause it. Harry didn't respond, but kept his eyes closed and his jaw slack as he sobbed into the air, just wanting his brother to leave the room.

"Harry, stop crying! I want to fuck you, but I can't if you're crying!" He ordered, starting to get impatient and angry. Why wasn't his brother just cooperating?

"N-no, Zayn, p-please!" Harry cried, begging his brother to get off of him. Zayn's knee was still in his crotch and he just wanted to curl up and cry.

"Yes, Harry! I'm going to fuck you!" He demanded, his fists balling up at his sides. And Harry honestly didn't know what to do because if he kicks his brother out of his room, he'll throw a tantrum and wake up their mother. And it will be all Harry's fault because Zayn just doesn't know any better.

"P-please, s-stop!" He tried, reaching up to push his brother off. Zayn fell backwards, losing balance off his knees and landed on his butt at the end of Harry's bed.

He watched as Harry just sat there, shaking and crying and saying 'please, just go' over and over again. He felt so hurt that his brother wouldn't let him fuck him, he was starting to shake too. He was just so angry.

"Harry Edward!" He growled, knowing that when their mom uses their middle names in a stern voice, they need to listen. Harry flinched and looked at Zayn, not knowing how to get himself out of this situation.

"Z-Zayn, it d-doesn't have to b-be th-this w-way. Y-you can-"

"No! No, no, no, no, no, no, no! I'm going to fuck you, Harry! Right now!" He yelled, slamming his fist into Harry's gut, making Harry cry out in pain.

"N-no!" Harry cried, his voice wavering as tears streamed out of his eyes.

"Yes!" Zayn yelled, reaching down to pull Harry's sweats off. Harry reached up and covered his face with his hands and cried heavily into them while Zayn took his clothes off, leaving him stark naked.

Zayn had come in wearing only his underwear, so it didn't take long for him to also be naked and press himself against his brother's body. He moaned and grabbed ahold of Harry's cock along with his own in one hand and rubbed them together, knowing how to make him hard from all the porn he's watched.

Harry just continued to sob, clutching onto Zayn's arms, not knowing what to do. He hated that his body was unwillingly responding to the touching the way it was and he just wanted to be in Liam's arms and Liam's arms only.

Zayn had been too distracted with watching himself to make sure he was doing it right to kiss Harry, which Harry was at least thankful for that.

But then Zayn had lined himself up at Harry's entrance, forgetting that he needed to prep Harry. Harry's heart was pounding against his rib cage and he gasped sharply, a scream escaping his lips as Zayn's large cock intruded past his tight ring of muscle.

As Zayn thrusted his hips, prodding at Harry's prostate, making him jerk up the bed, he tried tuning everything out. The pleasure and pain of it all just became too much to bear, so he became numb, closing his eyes, thinking of his happy place.

He was in Liam's room, in Liam's bed, in Liam's arms. Liam just held him close and whispered how much he loves him and how important he is to him. Liam kissed Harry's face and hummed Harry's favorite song.

All too soon, he was ripped out of his mind and placed back into reality. Zayn came into his younger brother with a cry of ecstasy. Harry had already come from the sensitivity some time earlier.

As Zayn leaned down and kissed Harry's mouth and face and neck, his prick softening inside Harry's abused hole, Harry silently cursed his mom for being a heavy sleeper.

*

The next day, Harry had to limp to school. He had been distant with Zayn and his mom and he really didn't want to face Liam, but he did at the same time and he just felt like a shit person. He had had sex with his own brother. He felt disgusting.

*

Harry had seen Liam waiting for him by his locker and he froze, suddenly getting this sick, nervous feeling in his stomach. He dropped his bag and hobbled to the toilets, so he could throw up. He hadn't eaten much for breakfast, so there wasn't much to throw up, which made his throat hurt like hell.

Liam had seen Harry drop his things, so he rushed over and picked everything up and carried it to the toilets. He set it down outside the stall Harry was in and watched as his younger boyfriend sobbed into the toilet.

"Haz?" He asked, his voice gentle. He crouched down behind Harry and wrapped an arm around his back, rubbing his side soothingly. Harry turned and met Liam's eyes with his own bloodshot ones and choked out another heavy sob.

"I'm s-sorry!" He cried, burying his face in Liam's neck, desperately holding onto his shirt.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry!" He continued to chant, guilt chewing away at his insides.

"Shh. It's okay, baby, you're okay, shh." Liam cooed, his heart aching for the poor boy.

*

Days, weeks, and even months passed where Harry was still distant. He ate less and less. He got sick frequently. He'd never talk to his mom or his old friends. He refused to have sex with Liam. He'd either be letting Zayn have his way with him or be in Liam's arms, begging for Liam to forgive him even though Liam had no idea why Harry was apologising.

*

One day, Harry was at his locker, packing his homework away to go home, when he had been surprised with Zayn standing next to his locker.

"Zayn?" He asked, shocked, looking around to see if their mom was around too or if Zayn had come there by himself.

"What are you doing here?" He asked, his voice starting to panic. Zayn just smiled and shrugged nonchalantly, rubbing his finger over the lock on someone else's locker, smiling at the texture of the plastic dial.

"I wanted to see you, Harry. Mom left for work and I was bored. I remembered how to get here from when Mom drove you here those times." He explained, shrugging. Harry groaned, pausing to rub his temples.

"You shouldn't be here! You should be at home!" Harry snapped, slamming his fist onto a locker, making Zayn flinch.

"What's going on?" He heard the deep voice of his boyfriend ask from behind him, making him freeze in place.

"Zayn? Hey, mate, how are you?" Liam wondered, smiling politely. Zayn smiled shyly and shrugged his shoulders.

"Zayn, you shouldn't have left. Mom is gonna kill me when she gets home." Harry said angrily, not looking in Liam's direction. Liam frowned slightly and put his arm around Harry's waist, the three of them starting down the hallway.

"It's okay, babe, he can ride with us. I'll just drop you both off at your house, okay? We can have our date another night. You should be with your brother." Liam said, holding the front door of the school open for Zayn and ushering Harry outside.

"Don't wanna be with Zayn. I'm always with him." Harry grumbled, crossing his arms over his chest. Liam sighed and pressed a kiss to the top of Harry's head before withdrawing from his touch.

"Just wait here, you two. I'll pull the car up, so you don't have to walk as far." Liam said before turning and jogging off to the direction of his car.

Zayn smiled and stepped closer to Harry. He rested his arm around Harry's waist like Liam did and Harry gasped, elbowing Zayn's side.

"No! Not here, Zayn!" He hissed, glaring with hatred at his older brother. He knows it's his own fault, but he's still pissed at him for it.

"What? Why not? Liam gets to, so why can't I?" Zayn asked, sounding hurt and confused. Harry scoffed, stepping away and Zayn tried to touch him again.

"Zayn, I'm serious. Don't do this." He warned. Zayn huffed, standing in front of Harry, grabbing his waist, pulling him forward.

"Yes, Harry. Kiss me." He demanded, angry, grinding his teeth. Harry shook his head, swallowing the lump in his throat. In private is bad enough, but he can't let anyone else see this happen.

"Zayn, stop it! Let go of me right now! We can't do this here!" He growled, pushing Zayn as the older had leaned in to attach their lips together.

Harry turned his head to the side and noticed Louis, his old friend, was watching them in confusion. Harry whimpered as Zayn kissed his neck and his widened as he gasped.

He pushed Zayn away and looked around frantically for Liam, hoping he didn't see any of that. What was taking him so long anyway?

"Harry, I wanna fuck you!" Zayn yelled angrily, grabbing onto the strap of Harry's backpack, pulling him forward.

"Zayn, shut the fuck up! People will hear you!" He hissed back, looking back toward Louis. He saw that Niall, his other old friend, had come to Louis' side, both of them watching.

Tears filled Harry's eyes as Zayn's grip tightened on his wrists, holding his hands between their bodies. All Harry could do was stare at Louis and Niall and hope they didn't realise what was happening.

"Zayn, no!" Harry refused, pulling his hands free as Zayn kissed his neck again.

"I want to fuck you!" Zayn yelled angrily and Harry knew that both the boys had heard it as their eyes were wide and mouths were hanging open. His face was hot in shame, embarassed tears were rolling down his cheeks, and he really just wanted to die.

"No!" Harry yelled pushing Zayn so hard, he nearly tripped. Harry cried and when he saw Zayn come after him again, he punched Zayn square in the jaw, making him cry out and fall backwards.

Harry choked out a sob as Zayn started to throw a tantrum and wail, thrashing his body around on the sidewalk.

He pulled at his hair, not knowing what to do because Zayn was throwing a fit in front of his school, Liam still wasn't back yet with his car, and now Louis and Niall both know something.

His mind was so foggy, he felt like his brain was about to explode, so he just took off running. He dropped his bag on the ground and ran. He ran and ran until he was inside his bedroom, puking into his trash bin, dry heaving, hardly even breathing.

*

He was so, so ashamed. It was all his fault. He let it happen. He felt so dirty, so gross, so used, so embarassed, and so, so disgusting. He wanted to die.

*

Liam had found Zayn crying on the sidewalk when he finally got back, so he put his car in park and rushed out to see what was going on. Zayn had just kept crying that Harry hated him and he had punched him and Liam was just shocked and confused.

He picked Zayn up and strapped him into the car, letting Zayn cuddle Harry's backpack to his chest, muttering random stuff.

Liam drove Zayn around for a while, calming him down with the radio. He took him to get some food before dropping Zayn off.

He offered to walk Zayn inside, but Zayn assured that he'd be fine. He told Zayn to tell Harry to call him and he wanted so badly to go inside even though Zayn promised that their mom was home, so everything was alright, so Liam just left, hoping Harry would call him sometime soon.

*

As it turns out, Mrs. Styles wasn't home yet. Zayn walked into the house, everything dark, all the lights off. He frowned and turned lights on as he walked around, looking for Harry.

He decided to check Harry's bedroom, so he walked down the stairs to the basement, where his room was located.

"Haz? You left your bag on the ground, so I brought it home for you. Liam took me out for pizza too! He even took care of the blood on my face from when you punched me! He should be a doctor! Oh, and he wants you to-" He stopped himself, remembering that it isn't good to ramble.

"Harry!" He called, knocking on the open door. The light was off, but the door was open and he just assumed Harry was laying in bed, resting.

He sighed, deciding to just walk into the room since Harry wasn't responding. He flicked the light switch up, turning the light on, not taking his eyes off of Harry's backpack as he read the brand of it on the front.

"I said, Harry, Liam wants you to call hi-" He cut himself off again, freezing in place, dropping Harry's backpack.

"Harry?" He breathed, his heartbeat pounding in his ears as everything became deathly silent, his eyes following the slightly swinging body of his younger brother, hanging by the neck from a rope tied to the ceiling fan.

"Harry, wh-what are you doing up there? Come down from there! Come down, right now!" He cried, his lungs feeling tight, preventing him from breathing properly.

"Harry, stop!" He screamed, dropping to his knees, squeezing his eyes shut, covering his ears with his hands, trying to block out the quiet creaking sound of the rope swinging back and forth from the weight of Harry's body.

"No, no, no, no, no, no, no!" He continued to repeat this mantra, his voice crackly and husky from crying.

*

At the funeral, it was eerily silent in the room as everyone prayed, no one daring to make a sound, not even a cough.

Louis and Niall sat next to Liam and Anne. Liam's family sat near the back. Zayn refused to leave the side of his brother's casket the entire time. He stood there and held onto his brother's cold, lifeless hand through the entire service. His back was to the audience of people.

Every pew in the church was filled, there were even some people left standing, and no one, except Anne, Liam, Louis, and Niall, understood why Harry would take his own life.

Zayn was the most confused. He didn't understand.

The silence was the worst part for both Anne and Zayn. When Anne returned home, late from work, that night, she had found Zayn bawling at Harry's dangling feet. The silence allowed them to be reminded of the sound of the creaking rope and - oh, that sound.

*

After the service, it was time for the burial.

Only the immediate family stayed for that. And the close friends.

As the small crowed watched Harry's closed casket being lowered intl the ground, everyone cried. Liam held Anne's hand and they both gave each other reassuring squeezes every time Zayn's screams and pleas to bring his brother out of the ground got louder.

"I-I should have known!" Anne cried guiltily into Liam's shoulder, shaking her head. It was only Anne, Liam, and Zayn left at the cemetery. Liam's family was waiting at their house, preparing the guest rooms for Anne and Zayn. They would be staying with them for as long as it took for Anne to find the courage to step back into that awful house.

"M-me too! He- he was acting so different! I-"

"M-mom, I-I w-want H-Hazzy!" Zayn interrupted Liam, sobbing, pushing Liam out of the way, going to hug his mother.

"M-me t-too, Z-Zayn!" She whispered, wrapping her arm around his back.

"You!" Liam yelled accusingly, his loud voice making Zayn and Anne both jump.

"This is your fault!" He screamed, grabbing Zayn's suit-clad arm, yanking him away from Anne. He punched Zayn in the gut, making him double over in agony.

"You k-killed him! You fucking raped him, y-you- you monster!" He yelled, throwing punch after punch to any part of Zayn's body.

Anne just stood off to the side, sobbing into her hand, watching in horror as Liam continued to beat her oldest and only living son. She heard Zayn scream her name and beg for help, but she couldn't make a move to stop him. 

**Author's Note:**

> Hi. That was kind of... dark. Sorry for such a violent, sad, and unpleasant ending. Hope you liked it though. :)
> 
> Comment if you would like to see more (or less) of stuff like this. I wanna know your thoughts. I've never written anything like this before. How'd I do? c:
> 
> Thank you for reading! Have a nice day, y'all! :*
> 
> -Heather.x


End file.
